Colorful Educator T-Shirts

'The text for this course is available at the college bookstore and on iTunes in a choice of designer colors...avocado, sienna, peach, indigo, Mediterranean, and sunburst.'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

Ceiling Paint

Dog Anatomy from Memory.

"Shows you how much I know."

Benjamin Franklin

"No, I don't believe Michaelangelo ever did any bobbleheads."

People of Courage

Community College. History's a lot more fun if you think of it as gossip.

"Fear not, Miss Hathaway. Just go home and listen to a cd of howling wolves or screeching monkeys and by Monday you'll be ready for your 3rd grade class."

'It actually stands for 'substitute' but it keeps the children in line.'

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

'Today's lesson - how to slam a door.'

"The big boot Italy ain't gonna kick the small shoe Sicily no more, capiche?"

Lack History Month

Keep students on their toes...

Student about substitute teacher that is a sub sandwich: 'We got a good lookin' sub today.'

'Do you have to explain nutrition with a pie chart?'

'Today in Tactile Effusions Class we are going to pop the bubbles in this packing material.'

'Sir, one question... When will we know if we've run-out of invisible ink?'

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."

'Play among yourselves while I deal with my stage fright.'

'This is great - what an idea! I can do a unit on gravity and the laws of motion for science class!'

Did you know you move your lips when you read?

"How do we know this isn't a ponzi scheme?"

"President or no president, you can't submit your homework in a tweet."

"I will now open the floor to questions. Bye bye!"

'I won't be coming in again - my dad's set up a free school in his shed.'

"I had a very trying day. I tried annoying my teacher, I tried annoying the principal..."

School for the Blind and School for the Inattentive.