Colonial Times Fan Gifts

"'New England?' More like unrefined England."

'If you knew the British were coming, why didn't you hide the damn silverware?'

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

Colonial Larrysburg.

'Is the fire included?'

"My paper is on Paul Revere's famous ride form the standpoint of media impact across select stages of the colonial decision-making process."

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

Supernatural book - The Unexplained

"When in the course of human events it becomes... Oh, blast it! Adams is just going to edit the heck out of this..."

'… and another thing … the only reason you know it's my birthday to begin with, is because we were all born on the same day!'

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

"Here come the revisionists."

'The Ben Franklin? What an honor! I see your 'Poor Richard's Almanack' in bathrooms all over the place!'

'The Ben Franklin? What an honor! I see your 'Poor Richard's Almanack' in bathrooms all over the place!'

According to this tabloid article, two guys who today are a basketabll referee and a politician, were friends as kids with a business selling seashells. The referee says that one sunny day while under an umbrella searching in the muck for shells they found a bunch of slimy, loose change. Or as the tabloid puts it "Whistleblower reveals pol's shady past with dirty money and a shell company!"

'Okay, I'll be nice, but they'd better not stay long.'

'Okay, but don't try to operate it until I invent insurance.'

'Let's weight anchor here. I understand there's no environmental laws and the possibilities for development are endless.'

"We're for calling it 'Hampton,' but they want to call it 'the Hamptons.' "

Where Washington's chicken crossed the road to get to the other side.

"I'll be honest with you; I kind of hate taxation with representation, too."

Her Flag project near completion, Betsy Ross ponders a patriotic way to represent the colonies when inspiration suddenly strikes her.

"I invented the wheel, but he invented the hubcap."

'George, I'd like you to meet Mademoiselle Fifi LaTour from Paris -- she inspired me to invent bifocals!'

'Oh, no, Columbus - lawyers!'

The Mayflower "Contents May Settle."

"It is not the fault of the wheel, but misuse of the technology that is to blame."

"Read all about it! Falling leaves kill six!"

Plymouth Rock Long Term Parking, $1 per Day.

Muzak and its variations.

'It's almost unfair. . . their swords aren't even pointy.'

"I think they're saying something about wanting to maintain the integrity of their border."

"We're looking for something in a colonial."

Uproarious hospitality

'The New World will be easy to conquer, Your Majesty -- they're all hooked on tobacco.'