Colonial Connoisseur Pillows

"To the gentleman in the back, at four pounds, last bottle of gin in all Khartoum!"

"The Founding Fathers?! Ha! That’ll never stick!"

'I got them to agree to a small settlement.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Louis Armstrong

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

I rather like bucket and spade holidays.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Ideas Ahead of their Time

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

'Yes, can I help you?'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

Birthday Cakes: From Around the World

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

Creation of Red Wine

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Colonial Larrysburg.

Apothecary. Tell us what ails you. We'll concoct a chemical mix to dissolve in water which will fix you. Every problem has solution!

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

The Cremaster Cycle

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"