College Survivalist Pillows

Tired of constantly sending her money, Jill's parents installed an ATM in her dorm room.

'Oh he's my loans officer.'

Actually, College Tuition Does Pay

"Now that my last kid graduated I'm hoping to change my status from nonprofit."

'Thank-you God.'

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

"Back to school can bring on the summertime blues."

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

"Keep in mind that it was put there by the sharks."

Milestone in a college student's life: 'Hey! I just got my first collection agency letter, dunning me for my credit card debt!'

'What did you learn at university today?'

"Our computers will be down for an hour, so I advise everyone to hide under their desks. The last time it was total anarchy until we were back online."

"You know you're in trouble when you stop praying for the answers and start begging."

"I wish school was more like TV."

"There seems to be a difference of opinion as to how to implement the co-operative learning program!"

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

The Hard Drive Ate My Homework.

'It's called sustainable living. He can survive for days out here.'

"Please wait while I load up software you'll never use and stick random icons all over the place."