College Survival Pillows

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

'I've been offered a week under the viaduct and three nights in a pizza hut doorway, after which I get my own cardboard box.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

'I wasted a lot of time in graduate school to get this job.'

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

"Back to school can bring on the summertime blues."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

Milestone in a college student's life: 'Hey! I just got my first collection agency letter, dunning me for my credit card debt!'

"I wish school was more like TV."

"There seems to be a difference of opinion as to how to implement the co-operative learning program!"

'What did you learn at university today?'

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

The Hard Drive Ate My Homework.

"Summer is going by too fast. I'm Googling how to slow down time now, and speed up time during the school year."

"Second grade is tough, little brother. It's the year teachers no longer believe your dog ate your homework."

"Yesterday's weenies have migrated in with today's nuggets."

Borrowed 200K for mime school

"You'll probably quite enjoy your bleak old age..."

"Boy, will I be glad when the weekend gets here!"

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

"Yes, it's report card time again."

'Oh he's my loans officer.'