College Prep Enthusiast T-Shirts

Relax! The college process need not be stressful! Staying calm actually helps your child cope. Parents' night. Top colleges are brutally competitive. Even state universities are rejecting excellent students. I'm relaxed. Me too!

'It's refreshing that you performed community service for some reason other than to get into a good college.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

Santa does a keg stand.

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

"So what happened between you and Estella?"

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

"When I go to college, I'm focusing on a STEM area of study!"

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

Contest to enter the University

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

Hey, Twig! Ryan Beardsley wants your cell phone number! The divine wonder of West Fester High? Finally! My life changes for the better. He needs activities for his college apps and wants to come to our shortest eco-club cleanup. Change you can believe in. West Fester High School.

Gretchen encounters the mother of all SAT questions.

'There was an old lady who had so many children she didn't know what to do, especially about college tuition.'

"Today we're filling out mock college applications."

"Do you think about life after high school? Like...what are you taking when you go to college?"

"I'm afraid there's just so far you can go with street smarts."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."