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The Runaway President

'Hmph. College kids.'

'You must have been wearing your beer googles.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Santa does a keg stand.

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

Scenes we'd most like to see...

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

Monkey Business College

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

"How are my animal mascot teams doing?"

It's unlikely the "Deadly Sins" team from Hades University will go far in the basketball tourney. Wrath is suspended for arguing with the refs and sloth always skips practice. Pride puts too much pressure on himself and greed won't risk an injury that would blow his chances for a pro contract. Lust is distracted by the cheerleaders and Envy wants the shots all the other players are getting. Gluttony is the only player thriving in the tournament spotlight. Yeah, he just eats up all the atten

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

'Coach - do you know the definition for 'losing coach''

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

Canine Frat Parties

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

"His number is the amount of payola he received to play basketball for his college."

'Interesting specialist subjects.'

'There's more to life than winning. There's also getting schools to pay you a share of their ticket and sports memorabilia sales.'

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

'Nobody likes a bartender who went to college.'

"I miss my mom's home-cooked methamphetamine."

Son, when I went to school, I trudged for years knee-deep in student loans!