College Bound Brainiacs Gifts

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

"One year closer to college!"

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

'I don't care if he does have an I.Q. of 169. I still think he's faking.'

Spindle Neurons

Nervous Student

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

"Audacity, noun. Unrestrained impudence. Impudence... Impudence... Impudent, adjective. Marked by impertinent disrespect. Impertinent... Impertinent..."

'What I meant by 'quark' in 'Finnegans Wake' was a hypothetical particle with a fractional electric charge.

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

"One day, I'll have teeth like pearls...skin like silk...and a mind like a steel trap!"

I'm sorry, but your drug screen results disqualify you as an employment candidate, You see, sample 'A' is a normal brain, sample 'B' is a normal brain on drugs, and sample 'C',,, Well, Mr, Dumpty, sample 'C' is your brain,

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

'But when you decided to go into psychology didn't you REALIZE that you'd be ‘surrounded by idiots'?'

"Oh George. My heart."

'I won't be at school anymore, my head is full.'

Psychology: Registering for this class is a No-Brainer

'Now, just for laughs, let's give him the dog brain and see what happens.'

"I'm glad this is the last of it. Mom and Dad kept smiling, but I know it's breaking their hearts that I'm going to be living at college!"

Noam Chomsky

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

They're brothers. One is very intelligent. The other is a baseball pitcher who constantly cheats. They both have a lot on the ball!

Bookstores outpace the Kindle by devising a way to transfer every book ever written directly into a customer's brain.

'We've found that having our kids leave for college from an actual nest helps them to grasp this momentous passage in their lives.'

'I have an idea.'

Last Parent Trying To Get Child Into College

"Adjusting the picture won't make it any clearer."

"You still need that recipe for boiling water?"

"I got a perfect score on this online I.Q. test."

"No thanks. Me Vegan!"

'Yes, Dear, I know fish is brain food, but maybe you should cut down a little!'

Thinking With Your Butt.