Collection Plate Humorist Gifts

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Bert's dog training.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

Cake Free Zone

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

"Eat me"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A watch face with Stonehenge

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Vanna White: The Later Years.