Collection Plate Humorist Gifts

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'Bert's dog training.'

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

"Eat me"

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

Cake Free Zone

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

Radiator jazz player

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

Easter Island Shades...

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

A watch face with Stonehenge

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."