Collecting Champagne Gifts

"Spare some change for a glass of Bollinger 2008, Guv'nor?"

Sloaney Pony.

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'A cheeky red?'

Yoga for Alcoholics

Wine Lady

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

'Al, that hopeless romantic, sends me love letters written in wine. I just wish he'd use red instead of white.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

true love.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'Does this perfume have an antidote?'

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

Some scents are nonsense.

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

Portfolio, 2011

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Quick swig first?"

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

Join me in a glass of champagne?

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'