Collecting Wines Gifts

"This one's rubbish as well."

Don't do it Alice! That Bordeaux's from the great vintage year of 1982!

Wine Lady

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

'It's very 'woody'...'

"For the last time how long have you been corked?"

'£17 a bottle. It must be a fairly good wine.'

"Very good, one bottle of selection #2815, or as we like to call it, Chateau Cash Flow."

'No wonder they call themselves Miracle Vineyards. The label says this red is 50 Merlot, 50 Cabernet and 50 Sangiovese.'

"Dinner is poured."

"Wanna chill at my place?"

"This cheap wine doesn't have a cork to smell, but the label is scratch and sniff."

Wine and old man

"I wasn't sure if the wine was breathing, so I've been giving it mouth to mouth."

"Hmm, based on the wine you're looking for, how did you get in here?"

"Where do you keep your diet soda?"

"No, nobody's handed in a delicious bottle of malt whiskey."

"Hard to believe this actually started as a vertical tasting."

'These are by my doctor. If my pharmacist can't read his prescriptions, how can I expect to read his tasting notes?'

Wine: New & Old!!!

Wine merchant convincing his customer that he has an extensive cellar

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'You paid three goats for this? Robertus Parkerus only rated it LXXIV.'

'No, no not the 93..try the 91 it was a better year!'

Giamatti: Full-bodied, with subtle hints of chicory, chocolate, and feet.

'A cheeky red?'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"