Cold Cure Critic Pillows

"According to medical science, brandy can't cure the common cold!" "Neither can medical science!"

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

Prescription Drugs '96.

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

'Generics of generics - that's the way we'll go.'

"It's the same experimental drug but now it's in a cupcake."

"And where exactly is Timbuktu?"

Winter Coat

Global Medical Antidepressant Sales

'She just has a head cold - Try keeping her nose out of the fridge for a few days!'

"And now for the weather forecast. . . it's cold."

"So, did the doctor give you something for your runny nose?"

"Doctors said that although the approach is still experimental, it may prove an effective weapon in the fight against health-care reform."

"We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of 'physical and artistic' therapies which is why we've developed 'megazylomol' to enhance the experience!"

"I curse the day I ever heard of Ginkgo Biloba."

'I will now demonstrate the laying on of hands - MINE not yours!'

Sneeze Police

Cold Remedies

Gravestone of a man who refused to wear a mask during the pandemic

'We decided to recall our new drug because a common side-effect is lawsuits.'

Foot in ice cube.

'I've done it! A cold tablet that tastes like chicken soup!'

'Side effects'

The Goodmood Blimp

"Portnoy, your job is to come up with a disease this expensive drug will cure."

'Try this blue stuff - I've found that blue stuff works good on colds.'

'He sort of grows on you, I suppose.' - 'Like warts.'

Pill for that,

"I normally don't celebrate the end of winter, but this year I decided I hate cold weather."

'Your disease is so rare, there hasn't even been a TV drug ad for it yet.'