Cdc Critic Pillows

Gravestone of a man who refused to wear a mask during the pandemic

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

Have you drugged your child today?

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Republican Healthcare

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Surgical Self-Service

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

"Your health insurance doesn't cover what you've got...so I'm diagnosing you with something they do cover."

'We believe it was at THIS point that the species became extinct.'

'Sales are up 12% since we moved Recovery over here to the hospital gift shop.'