Cola Collector Gifts

"I must say Jeff, there's something about your personal brand that I find refreshing."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Bathing-men attend to women on the french coast

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

'Is your cap on tight? We don't want any more accidents in the bed, do we?'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

Over-reaction Man.

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

"I wonder what this was for."

Sarah Palin Fact #2783, Sarah Palin makes her own diamond earrings by squeezing coal.

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"Sometimes I wonder if it was worth all the trouble you went through to get yourself cloned."

'How old is this vase?'

'We're not exact clones - he likes his martini shaken, and I prefer mine stirred.'

"Your main problem is that instead of a set of complex organs composed of specialized sensory cells and sophisticated nerve structures, you've got two pieces of coal."

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

New Blah Cologne for Dull Men.

Henri Matisse

Man in the cloning department is alarmed by the clones of death.

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

Clone Research and Development, "Psst- rumour has it the boss is a self-made man."

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers