Cognitive Skeptic Pillows

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"God works in mysterious ways."

Alternative Medicine

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

"Oh, I know He works in mysterious ways, but if I worked that mysteriously I'd get fired."

"I totally meant to do that."

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist