Coffee Shop Patron T-Shirts

"Okay, dictation monkey, can you read back to me my Hypochondriac's Handbook rules to live by?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'Do you have any catsup?'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

Non-Power Breakfast

National Coffee Day

Decapitated coffee.

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

How About Serving Us For a Change

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

Tree Cafe; Free Valet Parking

Coffee

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

'I'm a purist. I don't take anything in my Vanilla Mocha Dulce Latte.'

Choice hellhole

Kitty's Coffee Shop

"Soy latte for 'Actually Frankenstein is the doctor I don’t have a name.'"

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

"Come in, minion."

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

'Thanks for coming out with me. I really needed a caffeine fix.'

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

Really? You're hiring me back to replace the robot you just replaced me with? I've had a change of heart, minion. It may be cheaper to automate my café. But it dawned on me that robots don't buy very many drinks. Plus, as much as I try to let the bottom line guide me, I am, deep down, a very compassionate man. I couldn't bear the thought of you being poor and miserable. Maybe he's not such a bad man. Plus, one accidental incineration of a customer and the authorities get all weird about it.

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Starbucks doubles its sales by devising a way to sell coffee over the Internet,

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."