Coffee Shop Manager Prints

Envy, gluttony, green and lust.

'That's enough cream. Please stop.'

"Are we in this Starbucks or the one down the street?"

Aliens Coffee

F&E Coffee House. Hiring Baristas. We're looking for someone who will hit the grounds running!

I see you. I deny everything. I have PROOF that in order to keep your patrons coming back, you've quintupled the amount of caffeine in everything you sell. I SAID KEEP THOSE STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKES COMING!!! Anecdotal evidence is not the same thing as "proof." I see you.

I suppose you'd like to know why I summoned you here at 3am, minion. Not really. My studies show there's a 0.0067% uptick in coffee sales when you appear sleepier than the patrons. Come again? My theory is that's because seeing you falling asleep on your feet subconsciously makes customers feel like they need more caffeine ... From now on, you're only to sleep three non-consecutive hours per day. Very bad mazzzzz ...

I tripped just now over by your bathroom. If I took this to court, I could get six figures. But I'll settle out of court for a lifetime supply of free coffee and donuts. We just had a huge earthquake. If you fell, it was probably because of that. You guys failed to think ahead and put in bouncy floors. Get out.

Rudy, how come you're not wearing the new uniform? You were serious? You seriously want me to dress like a robot? Of course I do, minion. My nightly perusal of customers' web searches indicates most of them are feeling a bit antisocial lately. They'd probably buy more coffee from a robot than a human. Oh wait ... new web searches coming in. I'm going to need you to dress like a sexy robot. Very bad man.

Sign reads: No lingering over a good cup of coffee.

As part of the divorce settlement, Bob takes over his ex-wife's small business.

Starbucks closing 600 stores with 12,000 job cuts.

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

"Excuse me, you're gonna have to leave...you've been hogging this table for days!"

"We usually serve flavored coffee, so I'll ask my manager to contact the corporate office to see if we still serve black coffee."

"It takes years of skill, dedication and training to become a world-class barista. . . Anyway, all you've got to do is press this button."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'Do you have any catsup?'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

Today's special... donuts.

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

Non-Power Breakfast

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

National Coffee Day

Decapitated coffee.

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Tree Cafe; Free Valet Parking

Coffee

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."