Coffee Shop Comedians Pillows

"We've already had 35 people sign up for our new latte, scone and debt-consolidation loan combo."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

My brilliant career

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

Their father would frequently have to barge in and pantomime to his kids that they were not being quiet enough as they pantomimed actual noisy children.

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."