Coffee House Visits Mugs

'I mean, the place went silent when I ordered decaf.'

The prying mantis,

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

You've Had Enough!

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

'You've had enough!'

"I'd say business was brisk."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"There's no such thing as free wi-fi."

"When it comes to good, old-fashioned roots music, this guy is the BEST!"

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

Hipster Coffee

Bookstore-Cafe: Used Book/Day-Old Croissants

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'

"Oh, that Jane. I thought you were talking about Jane Austen."

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

'So how would you like your coffee...Small, Large or Intravenous???'

"Crumble an empire on that!"

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the 'grande' size anymore without a prescription.'

"I knew you'd like this place."