Cocktail Party Gifts

"Funny. I never thought of you as having legs."

"I could tell you were French by your scarf!"

"Oh, shut up. Who isn't in your shoes?"

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

"Listen up, everybody—Charles is going to fill us in about the Grenache grape."

Doctor Tucker explains surgical procedure in minute detail.

"Wow! The big guy! And what kind of B.T.U.s am I looking at here?"

Pollution Free Cocktail Cabinet

"I want you to meet Dave. You'll get a kick out of his money."

'This is a virtual image of my husband Bob.'

"It's not a cummerbund. It's my underpants."

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

"I'm a voracious amasser of reading material."

'Isn't this a lovely summer party!'

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

Cocktails on the verandah.

Turn on chat. Delete conversation.

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

"Why is it always me who had to collapse on the floor as a signal to leave? Just for once, why can't you do it?"

'Tonight's Party thought: We have more than 10,000 nuclear warheads.'

'Sure, Bob, now I remember you. I'm bad with names but I never forget a jpeg.'

"I wish we hadn't invited them. They've not been burgled or mugged, and they have absolutely no conversation!"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Corpse Reviver Number 2

"Bloody awful reception."

"Gentlemen, please! Take it outside!"

"I create spam for the internet."

"Come on in-just throw your coats in the garbage."