Club Conqueror Gifts

Keep calm, play golf.

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

'My feet are killing me.'

Rage.

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

"Give him time, - if anyone can break that swing set, it's O'l Tex."

A woman wearing a skin sitting behind a desk with a nameplate that reads "Sheena, Queen of the corporate jungle."

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

The trim reaper

'Of course, the toll on my personal life has been enormous.'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

Why am I running?

"When the slowest car in the fast lane don't go any slower than the fastest car in the slow lane."

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

"I believe he was the victim of a hostile takeover."

'These new video games are getting out of hand...'

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

For sale - Used only Once.

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

"Stop! Information overload. I need to rebuffer."

Minister Starts at a New Church

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

'I sent an employee to a motivational seminar once. He came back and took my job.'

A Learning Curve.

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

'He works in Acquisitions.'

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

'Buzz Off! I'm busy!'

The Croucho Club