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Happiness versus Sadness

"The office staff hired him to try to cheer me up. It's the day they get their annual bonuses."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

A Fairytale Update

Vlad the Impala

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'What clan do you belong to?'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"That is an outrageous slur."