Closet Capitalist T-Shirts

The Mattress Savings Bank

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

Shoe addict.

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

Hat Boxes, in the Closet

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

A woman and her home simultaneously achieve 'casual'.

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

"The most important thing isn't money - it's love. Luckily I love money!"

"How many capsule wardrobes is this again?"

Time to put away your presents. I don't have room. You said you "needed" a new jacket. I do! My old one's too small. Donate it. I would. But I can't get it out of my closet.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

'This closet needs digitized.'

'And this is the walk-in clos..' - 'We'll take it!!'

"That? - oh my husband - a closet bricklayer."

We're all litigation crazy. Last week I had to sue my wife for joint custody of the closet.

"Johnson's selling ad space in the tunnel of light."

"Oh, I love this! The huge walk-in closet comes with it's own master bedroom!"

'I guess you'd call it a queer request. He wants his ashes put in a fruit jar and hidden in the closet.'

'I used to be a 'nut', but since I made millions in the market, I'm a 'contrarian'.'

For Sale. And, of course, there's a roomy walk-in closet.

"Harold is a closet intellectual and he's never coming out."

'Does it have plenty of closet space? My husband sulks a lot.'

Honey?! Can you bring up two crowbars to Twig's room? What for? She needs help. Mo-om! You're being extreme. Done! You've got plenty of space to hang your new Christmas clothes. Ok. I'll clean out my closet. Our work is done!

"You really need to get rid of these clothes if you want to stop being mistaken for a historical re-enactor."

"What do you think of the new window display?" "It's the first time we've ever shown a prophet."

I shall now unveil my first great experiment in exploitative capitalism. Oh joy. Institute for Capitalist Exploitation. Beneath this sheet is an extraordinary creation. I give you … The new cafe exclusive VIP premier executive best customer reward card. Available to anyone who pays $9.95 a month for membership. Fine print: Includes no benefits.