Clinical Trial Specialist Pillows

"Poor results I'm afraid." "I don't understand! I paid a fortune for this trial!"

Trial by Media

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"You can't plead cute."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'...the side effects of this designer drug are more beneficial than it's intended use!'

Counsel's Opinion.

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

"Psychiatric convention"

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

Closing arguments.

"If I don't think it's going to work, will it still work?"

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

Placebonex: 'Make sure to take it every day, otherwise the effect wears off.'

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

Doctor and nurse having a chat.

"Well, the drug's no good, but the side effects are bitchin'."

'Your Honor, we find the defendant to be the subject of misplaced guilt.'

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'