Clinic Navigator Pillows

'Oh no, not you again,'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Hospital Departments

"Cardiac day patients?"

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

'I'm from the temp agency, who are you?'

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

"I don't care what it says on the 'chocoholics' website I'm not able to prescribe chocolate mini eggs on the NHS."

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'You must be one of Billy Covey's teachers.'

GPs to be required to offer appointments in advance.

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"

'I never know which side to start on.'

Hospital bed shortages

'You can visit your mum in Ward C from 2 am until 3, Ward D from 3 until 5 am then it'll be Ward C until 6 and the corridor after that...'

"NOTHING has changed from your last visit here? What do you people do?"

'I tripped over a red line.'

'And what can I do for you..?'