Clinic Commanders Pillows

Dissatisfaction with health system

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'Your wife called to remind you that you're married, sir.'

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

"Still on your left."

"Psychiatric convention"

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

Doctor and nurse having a chat.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

"General, last night while we were here, encamped for concert tickets, the enemy encamped across the river for theatre tickets."

"You have natural causes.''

City Clinic. A Mangled Care Facility. Yeah, but suppose it's not a typo. (Published originally on 9/1/2004.)

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

Stay away from Pigs.

The Boss of the Kleptomania Clinic has turned up for work only to discover his Clinic has been stolen

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

"The reason you haven't seen me lately is because I haven't been well..."

"You have twenty eight days to live."

"5 second rule!"

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'Morale soared when we installed the Nurf Basketball.'

Planned Parenthood: 'What do you mean, you want an unexpected pregnancy leave?'