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"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

The mysterious Sherlock Holmes - 'Is he wearing his cap backwards or forwards?'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

Quick! 5-second rule!

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

Stay away from Pigs.

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

Birth of a superhero

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

"Let's undress and make love!" "I am undressed!"

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

"Now where was I?"

"Tick, tick, tick..."

'For Valentine's Day!'

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

'Ooooh, it's Frosty! Couldn't you just melt in his arms?'

"In hospital I received ten 'get well soon' cards...from the nurses."

"We have a termite problem."

"If it wasn't for my Hippocratic oath, you'd be dead by now."

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

You have a low grade fever.

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"