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'How did the shoot the lion without breaking the glass?'

Jr. cloning kit

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

'Does sports trivia count as something I learned today?'

"It's a mobile."

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'Your report card grades are poor. Maybe you should stop building model airplanes. The glue is getting to you.'

I think he knows something that we don't know about the uranium molecule.

'Thank goodness for clumsy children: A spilt ice-cream!'

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

'Think, son! What was that formula you fed that tree?!'

Scientist seen on loch.

"Reverend, if we're born again in Jesus...do we get another belly button?"

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

'Have you googled me to see how old I was when I was born?'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

'As a kid I was always taking things apart...so, anyway, that's when my parents stopped getting me pets.'

'Let's see, here we have the first results from of the brain scanner...'

"De plane! De plane! De bird! De bird!...."

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

'I was cleaning my catapult and it went off.'

A child and a babysitter gazing out of a window

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

G.P.S. For the Home

"We understand each other and respect each other's privacy." "That cat hates me."

'I told you this would make a lousy birthday present.'

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."

Last night I was in a seafood restaurant and I noticed that all of the sliced lemons were wering shower caps. That's so that when you squeeze the lemon, it doesn't spray your dinner companion. So I was told. My point is that as long as there ar people putting shower caps on lemons, I'm not as crazy as I thought I was.

"What was life really like in the middle ages, Sadie?"

'Good news is that after two weeks buried in this desert, nobody will call us 'Paleface' anymore!'

"I think he's going to be a bus driver - he loves cutting things up."