Clean Humor Lover Pillows

'...it's probably blood on the boardroom carpet.'

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

Fetch the Boomerang

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

'I propose a day of mild exasperation in response to Richard Dawkins.'

'This one is for not intervening in countries that don't threaten us.'

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

'After this my bath water will never seem the same!'

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

"How do you think that makes Gail feel, knowing her only dog is posting naked pictures of herself all over the internet?"

"I hope this isn't the start of an insensitive joke that was once considered funny."

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"

Giving thanks.

American Gothic lol

Statue Selfie

We couldn't help but notice, Mary, that you got a new fleece, and it's white as snow.

'If you two don't mind, I need my mop.'

"We think he picked it up at the kennel."

The Polite Inquirer

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

Superheroes queue for medicine.

"If you can't sleep, try playing some relaxing human noises."

'Perhaps I should clarify. When I told you to drink plenty of fluids...'

Lost & found dept.

Witch on broom followed by witch on hangglider dustpan

"So what? Germs are also invisible!"

'I'll see the ones with clean underwear first.'