Clean Humor Lover Pillows

'...it's probably blood on the boardroom carpet.'

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

Fetch the Boomerang

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

'I propose a day of mild exasperation in response to Richard Dawkins.'

'This one is for not intervening in countries that don't threaten us.'

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

'After this my bath water will never seem the same!'

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

"How do you think that makes Gail feel, knowing her only dog is posting naked pictures of herself all over the internet?"

"I hope this isn't the start of an insensitive joke that was once considered funny."

Giving thanks.

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"

American Gothic lol

"We think he picked it up at the kennel."

Statue Selfie

'If you two don't mind, I need my mop.'

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

The Polite Inquirer

Priest reading 'Confessions of a Window Cleaner'.

Lost & found dept.

"So what? Germs are also invisible!"

Witch on broom followed by witch on hangglider dustpan

"If you can't sleep, try playing some relaxing human noises."

Superheroes queue for medicine.

'I'll see the ones with clean underwear first.'