Classroom Warrior Pillows

"Hi, Honey, so how's the new teaching job going?"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

"Mrs. Martin is here. She's the new substitute teacher."

'OK, you've got your helmet, shield, kneepads, TASER, steel-toed boots,,, You're all set, Thanks for subbing on short notice, Mrs, Thomas'

Compulsory education is a myth. We may be compelled to teach, but very few of them are compelled to learn.

"I don't know, but I think it has something to do with Bubba Edwards being in my class this year."

'As it's your first day Frobisher, I feel I should warn you that the pupils can be a bit of a handful!'

'You'll notice your desks have a new feature this year. Sit down and buckle up.'

'I feel like a boxer. Every time I hear the bell ring, I come out fighting for the students' attention.'

Those who can teach....

'She will not call on me, she will not call on me, she. . .'

An excessive workload was beginning to take it's toll.

"C'mon, c'mon, it's only been six months!"

"Teaching's a joy until the first bell. Then the whole day's ruined."

"But there are no naps in the first grade."

Teacher Burnout

Computer Room.

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'I'd like to challenge the test.'

Computer Class.

'This handheld computer is very useful for teaching. It displays my lesson plan, calander, key files, and an extensive menu of put-downs for hecklers and classroom clowns.'

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'What I did on my summer vacation: I wrote about what I had done the rest of the year.'

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'While outsourcing is a common business practice, you may not ousource your research and homework assignments, Fletcher.'

Child finding school too hard.

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.