Classroom Innovator Gifts

"Would you like me to show you how to use powerpoint?"

'Please pay attention. Pretend I'm a movie on your phone.'

'My teacher doesn't give numerical or letter grades. She gives emoticons.'

"Now don't forget to go on social media and rate today's lesson plan."

'We've tried various forms of discipline, and we find that radio control works best.'

'Now that I learned how to use a chalk holder, they switched to a smart board.'

"Ms. Conrad doesn't need eyes in the back of her head. She installed a video camera!"

Welcome to your new English Class.

'I appreciate your efforts to make geography class more interesting for your students, Miss Elmore, but....'

'It looks like new chalk is the only equipment upgrade we can afford this year.'

'I wrote a software program and sold it for two million dollars.'

"I didn't want all my students' artwork to be hanging all over the classroom walls, so I scanned the artwork and put them into this digital photo frame."

"You're teaching too fast. Try to keep it under 30 words per minute."

"That's our new teacher's aid."

'You can be replaced by teaching software, you know!'

"How can I be a lead learner without the technology needed to lead?"

"I liked 'class dismissed' better than 'please log off and exit'."

"They say she likes to teach dangerously. No assigned seats, partners or collateral required for her pencils. She's going completely rogue."

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

'What sort of upgrades did you have when you started teaching?'

"They're not going to give us teacher's assistants, again this year."

"I don't play. As a teacher, I use the balls as feet for my student's desks."

"Using Siri to help me answer the questions isn't cheating. I consider it being resourceful."

'To maximize student achievement, the Feng Shui consultant advises one student per classroom.'

'How did you get so many kids to sign up for your geology class?'

'I'm tired of cleaning the erasers, Mrs. Myers -- can I debug the educational software instead?'

Instead of a report, I'll just read you all of my status updates off my Facebook this summer.

'I'm experimenting with right brain math.'

'To maximize classroom instruction, the Feng Shui consultant advises one student desk per classroom.'

'I'm tired of cleaning the erasers, Mrs. Myers -- can I debug the educational software instead?'

'I keep the class on task through inexpensive incentives. Last week I gave out some 8-track tapes and a few wide neckties that I purchased on eBay.'

'I'm not too sure about Mr Chips' latest effort to make his lessons more interesting.'

"Before you e-mail me your answers. . . . text them to your neighbor for checking."

'Another advantage is the humming and whirring, which is so much more plasant than chalk screeching on a blackboard.'

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'