Classroom Chaos Conqueror Gifts

'I presume you're the substitute teacher?'

'Well if you're sick of seeing me here, and I'm sick of coming in here,let's call a truce!'

I'm going to close my eyes and cover my ears. I expect the student who took my chair, desk and chalkboard to bring them back.

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

'I'd like to challenge the test.'

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

'Ms. Shelby, I think you're spinning out of control.'

'I'm having a hard time balancing homework and family time.'

'I guess what happens in Kindergarten, doesn't stay in Kindergarten.'

“Honestly class, where are your minds?!”

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

'Sorry professor, my mind was some other place.'

"Fear not, Miss Hathaway. Just go home and listen to a cd of howling wolves or screeching monkeys and by Monday you'll be ready for your 3rd grade class."

'He has a learning disorder.'

It could be worse -- there could be 35 teachers for every student

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

"Alice, please! You're a practice teacher! At some point I have to leave you alone with them!"

'Did I throw which spitball?'

"But playing computer games help my. . . uh. . . dexterity, so I can do my school work better!"

"The kindergarteners have breached their classroom confines, and are headed this way. We'll be overrun within minutes. What should we do?"

'Why? The year just started! She's not in any trouble. . . Ok. . . yet.'

"That's my survival kit. It has a meditation tape, aspirin and rose-coloured glasses."

"I'm Billy's mother, and this is his attorney!"

"Isn't it great? I found little 'Classroom Mode' switches behind their ears."

Announcement over school PA: 'We're going to begin this week with an all-school search for Mr. Ridley - last Friday's substitute teacher.'

Volcano Danger: 'We are shutting down your Wright Brothers exhibit until Andy's volcano is dormant again.'

'You waved a white flag?2

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

"It's a note from Eddie's teacher. It seems he's stretched his imagination past the end of her rope."

"First day of school and you've already got problem students?"

'I just can't take the eraser bits, the spit balls and the insults anymore!'

'Before I answer your question, let me briefly review my list of strategies for dealing with difficult people.'

"Second grade, second grade, second grade, my teacher wants me to repeat second grade!"

'Mrs. Wingit, what's the secret to teaching middle school for 30 years?'

Never declare a food fight on artichoke day!