Classical Beauty Seekers T-Shirts

'Sure, I can make you look like Venus de Milo, but it will take two amputations!'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

"Which of these will look the prettiest without the others?"

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

Books / Coffee table books

"Botox."

She. 'Isn't it a pretty view?' Susceptible Youth. 'Awfully pretty, by Jove!'

"I can Botox it, but I don’t want to freeze up my sixth chakra."

Socrates, 399 B.C: 'Wow, I could have had a V-8.'

Analysis of Beauty - Plate I.

Ave Atque Vale- Illustrates Beardsley's Translation of Carmen CI of Catullus

Three tailors block the street, forcing a passerby into their shop.

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

"You've taken those hideous curlers out, had a scrub up, shaved your legs. Looks like it's your lucky night babe."

"This will make the man in your life wonder where you went."

"So what's your success rate?"

The Ugly Plant

"Ready now, Miss Henderson."

'It's so ironic: I finally win a prize at a raffle and it has to be a free pedicure!'

Landscape artist

"I told you she'd had some work done."

Primavera (Spring)

"I'll bet you'd like me if I had curly hair."

Idealized portrait of a rooster.

Cosmetic surgeon tells Ugly Duckling: 'Of course, there's a POSSIBILITY that you are a swan, but do you want to take that risk?'

"I'm old. What's good for that?"

'Morag darlin', they've made you look like a hundred dollars!'

The power of positive affirmations

"It says here that they have chopped down all the palm trees and blow up the rocks to make the place look more natural..."

"Supersize me."

'Perfect.'

'Plastic Surgery, come as you are and leave as you wish'

Fish Pedicure

Caribou With Big Plans.