Classic Tale Tweaker T-Shirts

"Oh, well. . . Guess I'll have to throw out the coffee I made for her, since I don't drink the stuff!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Fish talking about fisherman

Thomas Hardy

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

Alice in Wonderland: Alice and the Dodo.

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

fairy tales

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

Jack and the Beanstalk.

'I must admit, this family reunion hasn't really lived up to my expectations.'

'R.I.P. Van Winkle, just sleeping.'

'Who needs a measuring tape when you've got an imagination?'

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

'Because he was the one who had to milk her. That's why Jack traded the cow for a handful of beans.'

"Always exaggerate. It makes life seem more interesting."

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

'When we get back this trip is going to need some embroidering.'

'I'll have three of those trout, but throw them to me. . . I want to tell the wife I caught them.'

"Have you tried unplugging and plugging it back in?"

I told you you weren't allowed to stretch before the seventh inning. Security.

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."

Brothers Grimm

Writers Block: "Day 24 and still no typewriter!"

Every App tells a story.

Goldilocks reads note from three bears: Gone for a walk in the woods. Your porridge is on the table.

Bullfighting might be more widely accepted if it had a different name. They should call it "dodgebull"! (Published originally on April 27, 2015.)

"This giant, Jack, did he touch you in any way?"