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Mercury Theatre: Lost and Found

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'He likes to power nap.'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Night of the Latkes

Archimedes statue with a lever

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

The Trojan Beagle.

Happy Hour

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Emergency Phone.

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

Bangers and Mash

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

The Snarky District

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'