Civic Comedy Fan Pillows

'Without a pay raise, it's impossible to attract good people to government -- why, just look at me!'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

Bad fake tan day.

Giraffe Umbrella

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

A Fairytale Update

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

Vlad the Impala

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"That is an outrageous slur."

"I brought back important data on that blue planet called Earth."