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Citations Needed!

Reading my Critics

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"My kid could do that."

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

S**t Threw a Goose

Barbed Pen

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

Agency Moody's comments

Somebody should really be filming this for YouTube.

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

'There's been a change in my recurring nightmare. I'm no longer falling . . . my credit rating is.'

Note to viewers: we've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

Wonder Woman: "Trapped in a Man's World"

Film Critic

"It's too academic."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."