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Lee Van Cleef

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

British savings accounts

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Bond James, Bond."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

Showbiz Awards

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

International Women's Day

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Director/Action Man toy.

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Torturing the English Language

Seagiraffes

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'I told you it would be useful.'

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The first car accident.

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.