Cigarette Police Gifts

Smokers not putting their cigarette butts in the bin person so frustrated he puts the smoker in the bin

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"I see, Mr. Pipkins, we're back on the bourbon and smoking through glazed doughnuts."

'Just think Nigel, if you weren't wearing grey socks and sandals this could be romantic.'

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

Safety first - be aware of what is around you.

'Excuse me,sir-those wouldn't happen to be your cigarette butts,would they?'

Hello, sir, we're the post-Halloween, leftover candy, concerned citizens patrol.

'I told you smokefree bars wouldn't be the end of it!'

'We don't care if you're ZZ Top, ties required for gentlemen.'

Fire at the Bisto Factory

Albert Camus.

'Smoking section, please.'

Man in pub reads book: The Joy of Cigs.

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"

Warning.

Grim reaper with a notepad passes a group of smokers

This is a place of work, Harris. Go home and change.

What? Why the heck not?

"We need to find the packs of filtered cigarettes."

Tieing smoking to the stock market: 'Are you kidding! I can't quit while the market is so volatile!'

Brace yourself, mom. Someone posted compromising photos of your son online. What? Show me! Warning they're gross. My little Teddy?! With a Justin Bieber haircut? Told you they were nasty.

"I'll keep thinking inside the box as long as they let me smoke in the box."

'Don't look now, but there's my former flame.'

'Ready, set,...'

"Hello. I'm the bluebird of good taste and I seem to be lost."

Grim Reaper helpfully offers a smoker a light.

'I prefer these imported cigarettes - they don't have a health warning.'

Passenger on a train blaming a clerical man for smoking

"I can't say I'm all that surprised."

"And keep your eyes peeled for tobacco smugglers."