Church Treasurer Pillows

"No, there is not an annual cap on tithes."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"We do have faith but I'm afraid our policy is still not to accept Bitcoin."

'Looks like we'll have to break into the piggy bank to find our endowment funding.'

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Dept. of the Treasury

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

'What do you call money that slides off the collection plate?'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Will you stop 'tutting' until I've finished my report."

'We've completed the spending review and there won't be any.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

"Please turn to page 38 in your hymn-or-her books." The feminist cause marches on.

'Does he do anything besides watch the money?'

Conclave.

"You're correct, God doesn't need your tithe, but the church does."

"He's highly qualified to be our new associate pastor but he wants all weekends and holidays off - the same days I want off."

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"You can go home now, Barmpot - we've balanced."

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'