Church Service Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'-and the ceremony,your place or mine?'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"That's our new church mascot."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

How's my sermon. . .

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

How's my Sermon . . .

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Heavenly voices.

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

Pope Francis

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Vicar

Hymns - Optional Extras

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

"First, you have to get their attention."