Church Service Enthusiast T-Shirts

"And remember, there's only one in management. The rest of us are in sales."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Earl takes his job as the church parking attendant very serious.

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"That's our new church mascot."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

How's my sermon. . .

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

How's my Sermon . . .

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

Pope Francis

Hymns - Optional Extras

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Vicar

Heavenly voices.

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."