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The Pet Parson

"Is it a sin to think of them as gives and give nots?"

"Line one, the youth group calling from up the creek without a paddle...line two, Mrs. Kavanaugh calling from down in the dumps...line three, Virgil Larrison calling from death's door..."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Hildegard von Bingen

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"That's our new church mascot."

Nun Binning the Devil

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Vicar

Heavenly voices.

Pope Francis

Keyboard in Front of a Organ

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Hymns - Optional Extras

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and you will never see him in church on Sunday again."

Please follow safe worship practices.