Church Organists Pillows

'I hate it when the organist is away on holiday'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Felix Mendelssohn

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

Malcolm Sargent

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

Nun Binning the Devil

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

CCTV in church.

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"It's a cup holder."

Cesar Franck

'What do you call money that slides off the collection plate?'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

'I'm falling in love with Eddie... he has the most beautiful biggest organ ever!'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

'I'm here for the organ transplant.'

'And if it ain't baroque, don't fix it.'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

"He's highly qualified to be our new associate pastor but he wants all weekends and holidays off - the same days I want off."

"Please turn to page 38 in your hymn-or-her books." The feminist cause marches on.

Phantom of Casablanca

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'