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"A new preacher. He still has that new car smell."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"That's our new church mascot."

R.C.I.A.

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

Finger puppets in church.

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Church restrooms

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Eucharist

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

Pope Francis

Vicar

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

"Can we discuss this?"