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"A new preacher. He still has that new car smell."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"That's our new church mascot."

God is for life not just for Christmas.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Church restrooms

Finger puppets in church.

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

Eucharist

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Pope Francis

Vicar

"Can we discuss this?"

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'