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A Pastoral Rebuke.

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

Finger puppets in church.

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

Church restrooms

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Eucharist

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

"Can we discuss this?"

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

Minister's File