Church Detourist Pillows

'It's Sunday. I'm calling for a separation of church and sports.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Priest

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'Let us pray...'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Baptism Then and Now

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

"Amen. Please help me up."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

CCTV in church.

"I have an app for that."

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

"Did you have to go on about his being 'officially unavailable' and 'defying the nature of his masculinity?"

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."