Church Greeter Pillows

John's last Sunday on the first impressions team.

Knowing the dangers of being a Church Greeter during cold and flu season, Harold stocks up on hand sanitizer.

The new house of worship greeter.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

Priest

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Verger Works

'Let us pray...'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"I have an app for that."

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

CCTV in church.

Baptism Then and Now

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'