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John panics as he realizes being first to put money in the offering means people will know how much he gave.

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

How's my sermon. . .

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"...and in conclusion..."

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

The Sleeping Congregation.

'Even More Disciples'

Bishops Snooker

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

The ten ammendments

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Church restrooms

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

Finger puppets in church.

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Applause

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."