Church Climber T-Shirts

"Most striking case of 'de profundis in excelsos' I've ever come across."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Priest

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Let us pray...'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"I have an app for that."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"Amen. Please help me up."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

CCTV in church.

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

Baptism Then and Now

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Did you have to go on about his being 'officially unavailable' and 'defying the nature of his masculinity?"

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."